Agate @agate@eldritch.cafe

Bon, les agences qui répondent pas au téléphone…

Allez, on essaie de s'y remettre

'Jour vois, j'espère que la journée a bien démarrée pour vous

J'aime vraiment beaucoup cette robe

Allez la psychiatre là, j'en ai marre d'attendre...

And I know "weeks" is a short timespan when it comes to mental health.

But after weeks literally looking at the ceiling of my bedroom for hours a day, I cannot stand this anymore.

In this state of boredom / lack of focus, I'm not always sad, but I'm definitely not happy. I could be a piece of furniture, for what it matters.

I want my focus back, but it's been gone for weeks now, and I don't know what to do.

Due to my lack of focus, I cannot work anymore. Any task that requires more than 5 minutes of attention is too daunting.

At this point, I'm thinking more and more my only option is to stop working on Funkwhale.

I though going out yesterday to see some friends would help, but it didn't.

Cannot talk, cannot focus on the conversation, I went home after only 45 minutes because it was unbearable.

An exemple of loss of focus. I used to spend 100s of hours on World of Warcraft when I was younger.

Yesterday morning, I installed Guild Wars 2 to play with some fedifriends, and I got bored after 3 or 4 hours.

Nothing "clicks" anymore. I spend my days trying some video games and see if I can get past 5 minutes of gameplay.

And when I'm too frustrated, I try to read, and after 5 minutes, I have to stop because my hand is shaking, or because I just cannot focus.

I wonder to what extent this is a side effect of my mood regulator and if changing to a different one could improve the situation.

Truth is, I don't really have that much hope left. I'm on autopilot, waiting for something external to push me in a different (better or worse) direction.

I feel increasingly bored at everything in my life that mattered. Work, books, video games, friends, relationships, life projects…

I'm barely able to focus more than a couple of minutes on something.

I sleep 12 to 14 hours a day, because I'm so bored there is nothing else I can do.

I've been going through a lot lately (past 4 months). A depression, being hospitalized for a month due to my really poor mental health, working on my transition, preparing my move to a new city…

I thought I was getting better, but it feels less and less the case, and more and more that my depressive symptoms became more subtle during summer.

I used to have crisis at regular intervales (4-8 weeks). It seems I still have those, but new symptoms appeared too.