asking trans people "if gender isn't real, why do you want to be the other gender so bad" is like asking people "if rent shouldn't exist, why do you want rent control so badly": because we live in a society that violently enforces gender, and that makes it real. asking trans people, and only them, to pretend like gender doesn't matter, while everyone around us keeps hurting us for it, isn't fair. it's like asking tenants to not give a shit about rent while their landlord is trying to evict them.

i will have more elaborate thoughts on this at some point in the future right now it's in the middle of the night and this just occured to me

that question has been bothering me for ages because i haven't had an answer for it, or at least not one i could put into words

i haven't found an answer that's neither weak nor throws parts of the community under the bus, so if you have a good answer please share it with me

lmao this is getting so many notifs it broke the web UI, it's just stuck at 15 unread notifs

I've read all these already, several times, but every time I scroll down, it gets more 😂

@amberage The answer is "Oh, it is real". If they start talking about social constructs, then you mention things like money, borders, laws, all of which are social constructs as well, and all very real.

That avoids the whole good/bad thing, and addresses the key pillar of the challenge.

@ada @amberage Hell, *computers* are a social construct. Programming languages, CPU opcodes, even logic gates are all "by convention" rather than fundamental aspects of nature.

(not my original insight: )

@amberage my instinctive response is "yeah gender is whatever we want it to be and trans people are the only ones with the balls to go out and PROVE it"

idk i just feel that that question is a "but you participate in society!!" type thing. like the "if humans evolved from monkeys why are there still monkeys" of gender. like "if money is a social construct why do you care about welfare rates?" it just betrays so little knowledge of feminist/queer theory that the person is not informed/in good faith enough to have a discussion.

@amberage Clearly the answer is to stop scrolling down :P

@ada well I'd love to have working notifications again at some point 🤷‍♀️

@amberage @ada use the "mark all notifications as read" button at the top (looks like a check mark) ^^

@amberage I think you pretty much got it all there.

a social construct seems to be taken by some as "lies" but it is actually just a building blocks for our societies. or more like, units of analysis with which we describe our cultures.

this means a social construct is malleable, dependent on time space context culture and individuals, and that they're as real as anything else. pretty much everything is a social construct at some level, even the constants of universe.

"but if systems of measuring temperature are a social construct why do you want the temperature to be between these specific degrees. i am very smart"

@amberage gender is a social construct. Money is a social construct.
Yet people who ask this question still want to get paid for their work.

@amberage @shello I love this thank you!!! It’s a conversation that I could not explain to friends because a lot of people just think “ignore the haters be yourself” and that i am “comforting into gender roles by changing x/y/z” but picking up a gender label is just a way to describe how one feels and want to present themselves it doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to be that way for everyone. I think it is about separating our own existence (which is inherently political) and what we feel comfortable doing with it vs. what we believe in and what we do as activists, i.e. us doing things for ourselves does not equate acts for the cause; but people engrained in that system of oppression do not see that. It’s almost as if they feel like the weight of activism should entirely rely on our shoulders and that we should be perfect activists in every way including dictating our own identity and existence based off these beliefs

@amberage in the same vein as "if you hate capitalism so much, why do you have a job / smartphone / whatever"

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Eldritch Café

Une instance se voulant accueillante pour les personnes queers, féministes et anarchistes ainsi que pour leurs sympathisant·e·s. Nous sommes principalement francophones, mais vous êtes les bienvenu·e·s quelle que soit votre langue.

A welcoming instance for queer, feminist and anarchist people as well as their sympathizers. We are mainly French-speaking people, but you are welcome whatever your language might be.