🥀 Gothy McDoom 🥀 @guerrillarain@eldritch.cafe

oh yeah, in case you didn't know, i'm not a girl or a woman, i am stardust and ethereal moonlight occupying a confusing human body that i don't particularly agree with.

I give 80,000 reasons why cats are the devil's work but still give my furry demon kisses and pets and snacks and somehow love the sketchy bastard.

sometimes you're just wiggling your toes and then your cat's pupils blow up and you're just like "fuck"

cats go from "i'm sleepy" to "time to die" REAL quick

Honestly the best and scariest part about having a cat is when you're dangling something or just wiggling your feet and their pupils get REALLY big because they are FOCUSED, that's how you know death is imminent.

I would like to travel back in time and drop kick past me for thinking a vocal cat was a good idea. Now I have 15+ years with this chatty demon.

are they into it into it or are they just pretending to be into it bc it's for show? am i just enthusiastically doing my job or am i into it? who knows?!?! not me

and that is the spirit of the trope

fake dating is holding a person's hand or giving them a kiss, both of you pretending it's all for show when wait you're both into it? huh???

it's about the *yearning*, of both having what you want and also not having it at the same time

reasons why fake dating is the superior trope:

- only around person for X
- wait i actually like this
- this is too easy, i'm too into it
- i can't let them know
- it's just business
- can't ruin job with my feelings
- do they feel the same?
- yo i'm GONE
- it's not just business anymore
- hELP
- i do not want this end

the three most sacred of tropes are:

- fake dating
- only one bed
- cat-and-mouse

show me those pretty white jaws
show me where the delicate stops

cause of death: this fucking band

*vessel voice* i made loving you a blood sport i can't win

unfortunately i cannot take on melon tusk because he makes my skin crawl, i got the heebie jeebies just typing that

honestly how strong is his security detail that there hasn't been an attempt on his life yet, you mean to tell me NO ONE in his proximity has even been *slightly* inclined to throw him out of his private jet yet? sounds fake.

suit up, we ride at dawn

ok yall i will take one for the team, seduce j*ff b*zos, get all his money, and then blow up his dick rocket with him in it, the most glorious of fireworks