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oh yeah, in case you didn't know, i'm not a girl or a woman, i am stardust and ethereal moonlight occupying a confusing human body that i don't particularly agree with.

no one:

literally no one:

cat: WANNA SEE HOW FAST I CAN RUN LOOK 💨💨

I give 80,000 reasons why cats are the devil's work but still give my furry demon kisses and pets and snacks and somehow love the sketchy bastard.

sometimes you're just wiggling your toes and then your cat's pupils blow up and you're just like "fuck"

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Honestly the best and scariest part about having a cat is when you're dangling something or just wiggling your feet and their pupils get REALLY big because they are FOCUSED, that's how you know death is imminent.

cat: :blob_cat:

me: You are good at one thing, cute little kitty.

my partner: Being a pain in the ass?

me: Okay, TWO things.

cat: :blob_cat_innocent:

I would like to travel back in time and drop kick past me for thinking a vocal cat was a good idea. Now I have 15+ years with this chatty demon. :blob_disapproval:

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Me: You don't have to pay rent or taxes. Your only job is to be cute and catch bugs, and you can't even do one of those. Why do you have so much to complain about?

cat: *chirps*

are they into it into it or are they just pretending to be into it bc it's for show? am i just enthusiastically doing my job or am i into it? who knows?!?! not me

and that is the spirit of the trope

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fake dating is holding a person's hand or giving them a kiss, both of you pretending it's all for show when wait you're both into it? huh???

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it's about the *yearning*, of both having what you want and also not having it at the same time

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reasons why fake dating is the superior trope:

- only around person for X
- wait i actually like this
- this is too easy, i'm too into it
- i can't let them know
- it's just business
- can't ruin job with my feelings
- do they feel the same?
- yo i'm GONE
- it's not just business anymore
- hELP
- i do not want this end

the three most sacred of tropes are:

- fake dating
- only one bed
- cat-and-mouse

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buzzfeed put out a listicle of the most hatred tropes in book and tv and had the NERVE to include fake dating, the superior of tropes

show me those pretty white jaws
show me where the delicate stops

cause of death: this fucking band

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*vessel voice* i made loving you a blood sport i can't win

:blob_sweat:

unfortunately i cannot take on melon tusk because he makes my skin crawl, i got the heebie jeebies just typing that

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honestly how strong is his security detail that there hasn't been an attempt on his life yet, you mean to tell me NO ONE in his proximity has even been *slightly* inclined to throw him out of his private jet yet? sounds fake.

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ok yall i will take one for the team, seduce j*ff b*zos, get all his money, and then blow up his dick rocket with him in it, the most glorious of fireworks

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Eldritch Café

Une instance se voulant accueillante pour les personnes queers, féministes et anarchistes ainsi que pour leurs sympathisant·e·s. Nous sommes principalement francophones, mais vous êtes les bienvenu·e·s quelle que soit votre langue.

A welcoming instance for queer, feminist and anarchist people as well as their sympathizers. We are mainly French-speaking people, but you are welcome whatever your language might be.