Follow

How to avoid drama on the fediverse (part 2):

Stop and think before you reply:
- Does this conversation benefit from my input?
- Am I the best person to speak on this topic?
- Do I have a full understanding of what's being said?
- Is that *really* what's being said right now?
- Do I know and/or understand where the OP is coming from?

If you answer "no" to any of these questions, shhhh.

This has a 100% guarantee of saving your mentions from exploding and saving you from getting cancelled.

Show thread

When people talk about Mastodon having a whiteness problem, it's because of this:

White people assume that their opinions are wanted and relevant and need to be heard. They aren't.

In the same way, any opinion I could possibly form on autistic people isn't relevant, wanted or needs to be heard. I'd like to believe I'm an ally but still, anything I want or need to say is irrelevant. So I stay quiet, read, and boost. That's it.

Easy peasy.

Show thread

@guerrillarain full disclosure I am autistic so please do not take my misinterpretation as any attack or offence. But I feel I should ask, should I never post anything ever again because I happen to be white? Or am I just not allowed to speak on specific subjects? There is some ambiguity here that is simultaneously confusing and very depressing. While I acknowledge that these feelings are coming from a status of privilege, it also feels as if I'm being discounted without any chance

@guerrillarain I genuinely do not want to start an argument I'm merely asking for some clarity where there is at least for me perceived ambiguity.

@guerrillarain
- Am I the best person to speak on this topic?
I'm genuinely curious as to how this is supposed to be determined.
- Do I have a full understanding of what's being said?
If I don't, does that mean I can't ask questions?
- Is that *really* what's being said right now?
Perhaps not, but that's why I want to ask questions. Nothing can be learned if you never ask.
- Do I know and/or understand where the OP is coming from?
Maybe not, that's why I asked.

@mnjew For clarity, I appreciate you communicating your intentions!! I think people should do this more often.

When I talk about the "best" person to speak about a topic, I mean with original content or opinions about things which we may not know or experience. For example, I am not Asian, so I have no authority or experience on discrimination that people of Asian descent experience in the western world.

@mnjew If I feel passionate about the topic, boosting others or posting about works from other people is a lot different than my presenting my own opinions as fact on the topic.

@mnjew And I say this because we all are trying to be heard all the time and have the habit of speaking over one another without considering that maybe our opinions aren't needed.

You may absolutely say whatever you'd like on your own account, but I'd caution against talking over someone sharing their experiences, their hurt, and their culture within their mentions as if you know better.

Does that make sense?

@mnjew And I am absolutely for asking questions. I think that's the best way to learn and be able to connect with others.

@mnjew And of course, this all varies from subject to subject! Talking about theoretical wormholes or your favorite TV show character is a lot different from talking over the experiences of a disabled person, where one can elicit harm and the other can't.

@guerrillarain okay thanks for the clarification. I guess it was misunderstanding regarding phrasing. (Not the first time)

@mnjew @guerrillarain (correct me if I'm wrong but) I think what they mean is that you shouldn't post as if you're an authority on race issues if you're white. I think sometimes priviledged people can feel like their opinion matters more than it actually does on marginalised peoples issues. Marginalised people should have the loudest voice and should be allowed to speak about their issues without having people come into their mentions with "well actually I think..."

Just think about what it would feel like if an NT posted on a post where you talk about autistic opression acting like their opinion is just as important as yours. It would feel pretty invalidating. As a marginalised person your opinion on your own opression should be more important than someone who has no experience with it, right?

@guerrillarain
We tend to think that all opinions that people genuinely have are relevent, because together they form a shared perceived reality, which is interesting.

@guerrillarain i don't care about getting cancelled. we're clearly not friends so who cares what you think of me?

@guerrillarain or ..

1. just don't get bent out of shape over every little thing.
2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
3. Don't over think things.
4. Be willing to learn from others no matter how different their views are from yours
5. Realize you might by trolled. Sometimes you can tell (Poe's Law). Just move on.
6. Accept apologies. If someone changes their mind, accept it at face value. Going on and on in is cancel culture.
7. This is just one big AOL chat room. It's ephemeral. #moveon

@djsumdog Did anybody ask you?

No.

So, voilà, I think my point has been made. Goodbye now.

@guerrillarain ghahahah. I literally read your entire thread and responded in a way that was insightful and non-derogatory. Then instead of engaging, you just say "goodbye" like my opinion, which I took time to think and write out, is somehow offensive to you. You have no ability to entertain any ideas that aren't in your narrow, and possibly corrupt, world view.

@guerrillarain
>Did anybody ask you?

Also ... you literally posted a status out to the Fediverse! YES, You literally asked all of us. So stop getting offended when people reply to you with replies that are not 100% inline with your ideological beliefs. You know who does that? Fundamentalist Christians and Atheists! The world does not revolve around you or your instance.

@djsumdog @guerrillarain you obviously can't read, as this post has gone completely over your head.

@brainblasted How? Care to elaborate with an argument rather than just throwing shade?

I think my comment is quite insightful and I'm not trolling. I really do think @guerrillarain is giving bad advice and over simplifying complex situations. The Fediverse is a public form, & anyone can throw in comments anywhere in a conversation. We can learn from those; help others understand issues with though processes if they are any, agree to disagree, ignore people if we really want to abandon a thread

@djsumdog @guerrillarain @micrackbiron Don't ascribe to evil what can be explained by ignorance or stupidity.

@guerrillarain Conflict is functional. It's how we learn the things that we need to but don't WANT to.

If it gets too intense, just hit the Block button. Not complicated.

@guerrillarain thank you! Someone made a shitpost abt how to avoid drama and it was just a loading emojo, and it's just like fuck u buddy

@guerrillarain this thread is feeding my block list so well. thank you for taking time to spell it out and answer folks questions 💜

@guerrillarain I'm not going to, but I think twitter would be much better from these rules too

@woozle And by the same author:

eldritch.cafe/@guerrillarain/1

Interesting contrast to:

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

The rule plays poorly with the notion of being applied by others. Is there a reasonable place to draw a line saying "I can say this and not hear response" for various groups? Is speech allowed only by direct experience or creed?

Seems bad.

@woozle Especially where presented as a norm for others to adhere to and follow, while simultaneously cutting off response, not based on the nature, quality, or reasonableness of that response, but strictly on race, skin colour, gender, sexual orientation.

I understand pain, I acknowledge punching up (though this also punches sideways, and can punch down). I understand personal fatigue in dealing with issues.

But this strikes me as fundamentally inequitable.

Sign in to participate in the conversation
Eldritch Café

Une instance se voulant accueillante pour les personnes queers, féministes et anarchistes ainsi que pour leurs sympathisant·e·s. Nous sommes principalement francophones, mais vous êtes les bienvenu·e·s quelle que soit votre langue.

A welcoming instance for queer, feminist and anarchist people as well as their sympathizers. We are mainly French-speaking people, but you are welcome whatever your language might be.