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one thing being openly and loudly queer around everyone I'm not related to for ten years now has taught me is that there are an absolute shitload of closeted bi cis dudes

I can't tell you how many times I've been told, "I'm bi (but it's a secret)" or "I'm bi (but my wife doesn't know)"

let cis men be bi imo

@juliana Yep. Bi here, but practicing straight mostly for convenience 😬

@juliana I'm bi, my wife knows..she's bi too. I highly recommend being an out bi dude

@juliana as a semi-closeted cis bi man, let me tell you, we as a society are not ready for this conversation. it involves talking about cis women's wild homophobia against bi men. every bi man knows this: 50-80% of women (bi incl) will never date you if they know you're bi. your wife will very likely leave you if she knew. me i was blessed with a wonderfully accepting bi wife and for that i thank the One 🙌🏼 but many did not and so for them, the closet is the safest place 😔

@nebuchi @juliana it’s weirdly true but- let me just say that being in a closet in a relationship with someone who would leave you if they knew is *not* a safe place to be. if it reduces the dating pool, it reduces it to only people worth having a relationship with. 80% bullet dodge speed run.

@bri_seven @juliana i agree. i wrote that i'm bi at the dating app and that's how i found her 💚 but i really can't say nothing to bi men who choose differently. it's not an easy choice to make when you are very much in love with someone and fear that they might leave you.

@juliana
Oh yes.
Even with me living as openly bi but straight male passing person back then I got that quite often.

Especially from very ‚straight and manly men‘ that became touchy and sometimes cried on my shoulder when being drunk.

And those can be so disappointed when you tell them to fuck off because they would gladly throw queermesic slurs at people when with their friends and no amount of gayness excuses for that.

@juliana I'm not surprised, being gay is still considered an insult in many parts of the world, so if you can avoid it under the cis pretense like bi men can do, I understand you would.

@juliana Then there's this entire spectrum of "I really like having sexy funtimes with dudes but I don't want relationships with them so I'm not bi" stuff. And I honestly wonder how many of these are cis men who honestly have hard times relating with anyone, including the women they're in relationships with, that they really would have more emotional connections to their bro-play times if they knew how.

@juliana toxic masculinity is a plague on society. I wish bisexuality wasn’t taboo for anyone, but it does feel worse for men. Like, it’s ok for a woman to be male-like, but it’s not ok for a man to be female-like. Which is a) a total misunderstanding of sexuality, and b) some patriarchal bullshit.

@juliana I'm pretty sure (I know for one of them for sure, for the other I only suspect) both of the first two guys I dated were closet-bi.

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Eldritch Café

Une instance se voulant accueillante pour les personnes queers, féministes et anarchistes ainsi que pour leurs sympathisant·e·s. Nous sommes principalement francophones, mais vous êtes les bienvenu·e·s quelle que soit votre langue.

A welcoming instance for queer, feminist and anarchist people as well as their sympathizers. We are mainly French-speaking people, but you are welcome whatever your language might be.