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The circus is intrinsically homoerotic, and all stabs at staging an emphatically heterosexual circus, like last night's, are going to be not just off-putting but pervasively self-undermining.

drugs 

You should buy me a drink sometime, after we're all dead. I'll order a communard, and when it seeps through my sere ribs and the madder stains spread across my blouse, I'll widen my flat, cloudy eyes with the angelic innocence of having told a sublimely hack joke.

A few months ago I turned to my mother as we stepped into AIDS Thrift from a turbulent gale & said, "Huh, I hope my hair's not too fucked up," then gasped because I'd never said "fucked up" before and was startled to hear it in my voice.

murder, abstractly 

Gayfeather, colic-root, rattlesnake-master, blazing star,( devil's bite, Cahaba torch, prairie-pine,) I took your list to that fireworks store in Upland, gathered & checked off each rocket, then imagined how you'd stare at a forest fire (guilty? gleeful?) as I put them all back.

dry cannibalism nonsense 

From William Joseph Showalter's biography of Asarum canadense in The Book of Wild Flowers. "...the fungus gnats and the flesh flies are early on the job..." Mmm. No mention of its roots being delicious & contributive to renal failure, but one doesn't usually focus on the effects of consuming one's biographee.

I begin referring to sweat as "animalic acid" in my formulae as a matter of style. You assume I mean gastric fluid or bile & go to a great deal of fuss for nothing. I apologize profusely. We relate the anecdote at our wedding as we wait for the tincture in our guests' champagne to take effect.

Just scratched a long bloody line down the center of my chest by pulling on yesterday's shirt without checking the pin that kept it from gapping over my tits. Breasts in the possession of the careless or untrained are a pernicious hazard & that's why I'm introducing legislation t—
And that's when the sniper hit. The full text of my bill hasn't been released to the public.

Floating out to fill the birdfeeders & feed the mosquitoes at sweltering streetlit 4 A.M. because I want to be a helpful ghost.

(Ravenous was a triumph of gore-hurts-less-than-sex homoeroticism frustratingly tainted throughout by what's probably 3 cumulative script pages of racist nonsense, and as a teen I wanted them to kiss as they bled out in that absurd trap.)

Dream of briskly, repeatedly traversing a haunted house, in the manner an army recruit might an obstacle course. If I ever let on that sourceless blood & shattering mirrors no longer perturbed me, I'd be disqualified, so I kept my eyes wide & leant hard into every stale frisson.

If you find the world near-unbearably sensorially abrasive, you maybe ought to consider experimenting with your hormone levels regardless of how gender's been treating you.

Happy smoke night, —. I considered saving a few wisps in a handkerchief to enclose with this letter, but of course it's only good fresh. Instead I took a deep lungful & thought of you, breath held.

Being called Perch is a precaution, in that if I'm transmogrified into the door of a sorceress's chateau for having knocked in an excessively flashy pattern, I'll eventually be able to say my name with a creak of my rusting hinges & thereby be freed.

Going to date this anonymous mynoise reviewer so we can lie abed murmuring to each other about how the hull can scarcely withstand these breakers & we may well drown in the night.

The morning after I've bought a shirt off somebody's merch table, remembering that I don't much wear tees anymore.

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Eldritch Café

Une instance se voulant accueillante pour les personnes queers, féministes et anarchistes ainsi que pour leurs sympathisant·e·s. Nous sommes principalement francophones, mais vous êtes les bienvenu·e·s quelle que soit votre langue.

A welcoming instance for queer, feminist and anarchist people as well as their sympathizers. We are mainly French-speaking people, but you are welcome whatever your language might be.